Okay, Now I’m Not There
At the time of writing, it’s twenty past eleven at night and I’ve had an interesting day. I always put a ‘posted on’ time and date at the top of each news post but those who keep careful track of the updates will know that whatever’s written is never — never — posted at that time. I always just put the time of writing. Unless I’m writing at some ridiculous time — like 4:30 in the morning, a time that shouldn’t exist — then I just make it up. But right now it’s 23:20 and I have no internet connection. But I’ve had an interesting day.
I’m inside my flat. I’m actually in. The guy at the office arrived at the flat before I did and as it happens my new flatmate was there to let him in. After he’d gone she told me that he’d sounded to her like he thought I was an imbecile who couldn’t work a key in a lock. Just like all the others. Yeah, imbecilic like a fox! He couldn’t make it work either! He just stood there trying to make the key turn, his face a mask of bafflement. He should try doing that for ten minutes a day outside the building and see how baffled he is then.
The flat is really nice, in that it has walls and a ceiling and nice furnishings in all the right places. It’s less nice in that the previous tennants left it in a bit of a state. It was dusty, and not dusty like a room that’s been empty all summer is dusty, but dusty like only a year of criminal neglect can achieve. Every corny was cobwebbed, every appliance in some disgusting state. There was mold in the freezer, the remnants of some sort of soup explosion lined the inside of the microwave. I won’t even tell you what they did to the oven. They left a load of meat in their bin. When Sophie found it it was rotten. I am happy to report I was not present for those dog days. When I arrived it was after Sophie and her family had put their backs into turning the place around. I can only imagine what it was like before I saw it. I salute you, Sophie’s family!
I do know that with every hour I spent cleaning that wretched flat I hated the previous tennants more and more. Here’s the best part — although they were comfortable leaving behind a horrible mess they did not see fit to leave behind the keys to the flat, which meant the locks had to be changed. Only it turns out some of the keys didn’t work… yes, that little saga was all their fault. Bastards.
I cleaned my first toilet today — and I cleaned my new en suite bathroom from top to bottom. You could eat out of my sink, if you so choose. There was a really big spider in there, too. And three medium-sized ones. And the corpses of twelve tiny ones. I destroyed a whole ecosystem today — it felt good.
Anyway, the various trials of independent living aside here’s some behind-the-scenes insight into the latest comic. I am officially debuting a new drawing style for the female characters. I haven’t been able to get their hair right in the past and I’m putting it down to a lack of detail. To anyone who was a die-hard fan of how Charlotte and Shivani looked before I apologise but I seriously doubt there exist any die-hard fans of the strip. So I’m safe.