This actually happened to me. I don’t normally do this, reveal the extent to which this comic is autobiographical, but I have to talk about this one. It may seem kind of unrealistic if you’ve never had this happen to you (and, to be honest, this only happened to me once so I don’t know if this is even a thing or just unique to my expereinces) my flatmates and I went to a cool club like the one in this story and we walked through the doors and there were just two beautiful women in mini dresses there. And the second we walked past them, they just danced around me in a circle, running their hands over my chest and back, while my friends made a beeline for the bar. That’s what I get for being at the back of the group.

I didn’t really have much say in the matter, they just walked up to me and started doing it. It all happened to quickly, I didn’t know what to make of it until it was already happening. So I just stood there while it went on. At first you stop because someone just put a hand on your chest and you don’t know if they need to ask you something or what. Then you say hi and they don’t say anything back, so then you realise this is some kind of performance. Then you realise you’ve just been standing still in the atrium of a nightclub for a full minute while two women kind of… orbit you.

To this day I don’t know what those ladies’ deal was. Were they employees of the club hired to greet everyone who walked in this way? Or were they greeting everyone for free out of their own boundless enthusiasm towards young men walking through a door. Or was it just me, is there just something about me that when I walk through a door, beautiful women have to touch me and dance around me in a circle. I know that last one isn’t true, but just for one night, for sixty seconds or so, I got a glimpse of what that would be like. That night I got a little peep at a weird alternative reality normally only seen in music videos and beer advertisements.

I have to say, surprisingly hot and surprisingly awkward at the same time. And I was left with a lot of questions. I gave them an awkward smile and went to join my friends at the bar. True story.

So, has something like this ever happened to you? Leave a comment below. Is this a thing? Do night clubs just hire people to touch guests as they walk in? I’m not doing an engagement strategy here, I genuinely want to know what this was, it’s been ten years and I’m still wondering what was going on.